6/24/24

10:38pm

Sat in the yard with the baby on our peace blanket. Toys and bubbles, floating all around us, getting stuck in the grass. The new fence makes it feel like our own bubble. Bluest of blue sky. Greenest of green trees. Half shaded, half sunny lawn. The three sisters are growing—corn stalks skinny like grass, bean shoots plump, pumpkin and squash leaves inviting.

I built her new playset: a tiny neon green climbing wall, tan playhouse landing, red slide no taller than 18 inches. She wanted to climb it immediately. She was slipping on the slick plastic climbing wall, but kept trying and kept trying, never taking her eyes off the platform above, as if something inside her was compelling her. She would get so close to reaching the top and then lose her footing. She whined as she struggled and I told her she could do it. And she did. She smiled so big once she reached the tiny platform, plastic house walls keeping her safe on either side. Her mouth wide open with glee, she clapped her hands and panted with excitement. She was proud of herself. Happy to be exactly where she wanted to be. It was beautiful to watch.

She sat on the edge of the slide, her legs dangling down. She tipped forward, smiling and apprehensive—generations of instinct telling her both to sit back and be safe, and to go for it, take the risk. She slid down fast, ungracefully, folding forward, and would have landed on her face if not for my catching her. Sliding properly takes practice of balance—another skill I never thought about.

She sat on the platform and rolled her new rubber blocks down the slide, and threw some the other way down the climbing wall. She enjoyed her new castle. She played with the bucket of water and soaked her lap. She explored the rainbow colored rice of the sensory bin.

I walked her around the yard, one hand of hers holding mine, and the other clutching a tiny bottle of bubbles. My husband took pictures and videos, shaking his head and smiling at the idea of her being so close to walking on her own.

We spent time as a family in our own backyard. We grilled turkey burgers. Admired the lights we put up. Appreciated the new privacy of our fence. Ate on our back deck at the picnic table gifted to us by our neighbor. It was beautiful to live.

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6/27/24

10:57pm

I am determined to sit in my hammock and read tomorrow. Thirty minutes, at least.

I have had this camping hammock for two years at least, and never used it because I was too scared of trying to set it up in public between trees at a park and looking dumb. I finally set it up in our yard now that we have a new fence I can string it on. Turns out it was incredibly easy and now I feel dumb for not having made use of it sooner—especially before having a baby. I love hammocks.

My library book is overdue but I do not care. I am not returning it until I finish it. I have had it since April, at least. I lost track.

Mad that the dumb car broke and now we can’t drive the baby around anywhere. Not sure what to do about the birthday party we have on Saturday.

I need to write when I’m feeling reverent.

I so appreciate the brevity of others. I don’t think I will ever be able to achieve it.

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6/29/24

11:37pm

Car is broken and will cost money. I had two gigs today and made $150, but that won’t cover what our car repair costs. Brand new car. Not covered by our warranty. I’m pissed about it.

Had my first paid photography gig—an 80th birthday party at a local ice cream shop. Very small and cute. Got paid $50. Feel like I didn’t get much time with the baby today because of that one hour away. Crazy that being gone only one hour makes me feel that way. I remember being gone for a whole work day and feeling like I barely saw her, especially when I had to leave before she woke up, and then her bedtime has always been so early.

Went to a first birthday party at a place with indoor climbing for toddlers. Fun family time. Nice to meet my friend’s family and see other babies being babies. The three of us (me, husband, baby) got dinner after and it was really nice. Good happy hour prices too.

Did a private improv show at the theater for a bachelor party tonight. A group of very nice guys. The dad was the best man and the grandpa and FIL were there too. I was the only woman in the room lol. It got raunchy and my whole team I think was more uncomfortable on my behalf than I actually felt uncomfortable (which was not very much). Honestly felt more uncomfortable due to being so sober compared to all the guests. Got paid $100 for it. Cha-ching I guess.

Have not read in the hammock yet :( Maybe tomorrow